There’s a T-shirt floating around town; perhaps you’ve seen it. You can find it at every ski resort in North America, maybe even the world.
It says, “Just because I slept with you doesn’t mean I’ll ski with you.”

It doesn’t have anything to do with sleeping.

What it has to do with is coupling. And coupling, as we all know, is the fourth leg of the World Ski and Snowboard Festival. Let’s see — sport, music, arts, drinking, coupling. Make that the fifth leg.

And though, in these days of Oprah, Dr. Phil and televangelism, one might be hesitant to take advice of a personal nature from a T-shirt, there is wisdom in that sentiment. Indeed, if there is a single, overarching rule of WSSF coupling it is this: Love the one you’re with… but ski with someone else.

Skiing with someone you’ve just coupled with is a lose-lose situation. Here’s why. Chances are better than 50-50 your amour du yesternuit does not ski/board at the same level you do. Honestly, what’re the odds?

That leaves two possibilities. He/she is a better shredder, or he/she (let’s call him/her shim,OK?) is, you know, worse. Not just worse — quite possibly terrible.

So let’s say shim is better. What the hell, let’s say shim is waaayyy better. That noise in your head is the sound of your ego being flushed down the toilet. Keep up! Oh yeah, you can’t keep up. Shim is waiting for you…or not. Whichever, you’ve just enjoyed your last snuggle together.

But hey, it’s way more likely shim is not as fast, graceful or skilled on the slopes.

Be careful what you wish for. Here are your options. You can go slowww. The sound you hear now is your friends laughing at you. You can go fast and wait. But waiting is a just going to underscore what a pathetic loser shim really is and lead to an unseemly argument on the chair ride back up.

Or, it might be seen as gallant, even chivalrous. If you’re a guy, you’re sunk at the first sign of chivalry. It’ll raise expectations. You’ll always and forevermore have to be chivalrous. You’re doomed.

If you’re a chivalrous girl? The sound you’re hearing is massive shrinkage.

Either way, like B.B. King sang, the thrill is gone.

So ski together or sleep together. But if you must do both, ski first. It’s a rule to live by.

GD Maxwell is a funny man with a uniquely local sense of humour.